The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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