Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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