The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
