I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
