This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
