i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
