Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
