I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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