I want to walk on stilts...naked
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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