dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
