R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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