Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As shirtless as possible
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
