I just cut my nipple shaving
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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