Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
