shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
