so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
