Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
NoShamevember. You game?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
