..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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