Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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