we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
