need another drink. this is the easiest way
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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