You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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