just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
