Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
