I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
