If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
