If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
