My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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