Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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