I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
