i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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