he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
