there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
