i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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