Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
