we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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