My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We don't watch enough power rangers
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
