Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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