i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
