About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
