First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
