Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
