oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We just shotgunned beers for America
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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