So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
