Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
