Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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