I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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