Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
