Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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