maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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