I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You pole danced in your parka.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
