put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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