the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
