first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im six kinds of drunk right now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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