god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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