Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
