Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
