Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
