And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
