worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
