Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to make out with him forever
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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