Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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