how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
