I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
