I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
