we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
