went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
