I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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