Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just threw up on my dentist
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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