So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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