I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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