I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
