i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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