I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have fence marks all over my body
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
